The Joy of Sex
Alex Comfort, 1972
★ 3.62 from 3.1k ratings on Goodreads
A physician’s witty, cookbook-style guide to lovemaking that treats sex as a skill, a menu, and a form of play. Comfort’s voice is warm, witty and curious, moving through bodies and menus with tenderness and a sense of play.
Feels like tenderness, wonder and curiosity. About love, nature and society.
Who it’s for
You may like it if you want a respectful, plainspoken classic that treats sex as a learnable skill and a shared menu. Be aware that many readers find it dated, heteronormative and male-centric, with a tone and omissions that can grate.
Why read it
It offers a candid, humane starting point for talking about desire and compromise, and its historical distance makes its assumptions easy to notice and discuss.
A page from the book
Two rules for lovers, and neither is about technique.
There are, after all, only two “rules” in good sex, apart from the obvious one of not doing things that are silly, antisocial, or dangerous. One is: “Don’t do anything you don’t really enjoy,” and the other is: “Find out your partner’s needs and don’t balk at them if you can help it.” In other words, a good giving and taking relationship depends on a compromise (so does going to a show — if you both want the same thing, fine; if not, take turns and don’t let one partner always dictate). This can be easier than it sounds, because unless their partner wants something they find actively off-putting, real lovers get a reward not only from their own satisfaction but also from seeing the other respond and become satisfied. What readers say
Readers say the book is a helpful, respectful classic with nostalgic historical charm and memorable old illustrations. Others find it dated, heteronormative, male-centric, and too vanilla, with some annoyed by its tone and omissions.
Alex Comfort.Alex Comfort was a British physician, gerontologist, novelist and pacifist; The Joy of Sex sold millions and was famously illustrated with line drawings.
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Questions readers ask
- Is The Joy of Sex for me?
- You may like it if you want a respectful, plainspoken classic that treats sex as a learnable skill and a shared menu. Be aware that many readers find it dated, heteronormative and male-centric, with a tone and omissions that can grate.
- What is The Joy of Sex like?
- Comfort’s voice is warm, witty and curious, moving through bodies and menus with tenderness and a sense of play. Feels like tenderness, wonder and curiosity. About love, nature and society.
- What should I read after The Joy of Sex?
- If you liked The Joy of Sex, try All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten (Robert Fulghum), In Search of Excellence (Thomas J. Peters) and Born Free (Joy Adamson).
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